Somebody that I Used to Know

I recently heard a tasty tune that I'm sure many of you have already listened to, entitled Somebody that I used to Know (I prefer the Walk off the Earth cover to the original).  It quickly reminded me about the dangers of getting too involved in a relationship that isn't God centered or directed.  Almost everyone, if they were completely honest, would admit that they wish to be in love one day (for some that day is sooner than others).  People want to be in relationships to find love.  They want to be in a relationship because they want to feel good, have fun, and be guaranteed that at least one person in this world cares about them and for them.  People go to bars, nightclubs, the gym, the grocery store, church etc looking for love... and when you look that hard for something you're going to find it... because you settle.  Its just like when I was little and I would see something at toys r us that I just couldn't live without so I would save up all my money to buy that one specific item.  The day I had the necessary amount I would beg my mom to take me to the store only to find out that they were sold out of the said item I coveted at which point I immediately felt compelled to buy the next thing I saw.  I had saved up my money and I was there to spend it.  The same with people who go out with standards, looking to meet a certain type of person, but settle because they just want somebody.  Maybe they just want attention or comfort they never got from families.  Maybe they are acting on whimsical impulses and fleeting emotions [Jeremiah 17:9] then wonder why the relationship didn't last.  The new, exciting, always on cloud 9, honeymoon phase will end.  People become soul tied to and dependent on the other person and its often painful to severe those ties.   People don't think about the consequences until its too late.

When relationships end they don't usually end well.  You are probably not going to be friends with that person or keep in touch with that person anymore.  So you start out dating someone because you think you might like them.  Then you keep dating them because you do like them.  Now you start investing more of your money, time, and energy into them.  The more you like them, the more you invest.  You begin giving more and more of yourself to them.  The thing is you are not your own, you were bought with a price [1 Corinthians 6:19-20].  And the fact is later on you might wish you had given those physically and emotionally intimate moments to someone else.  So a person that you spent so much time with and shared so much of yourself with because you liked them more than anyone else becomes just somebody that you used to know.  You avoid them, you don't talk to them, and unfortunately a lot of times you don't even like them anymore.  You share your heart with someone, your life with them... and then you don't even talk to them anymore... is it just me or does that not make sense?

What if you didn't date anyone until you felt like you were ready to consider marriage in the near future?  Until you could commit yourself to another person?  What if you took time to get to know someone in group settings and real world situations to learn their true personality before you dated them?  (Anyone can be whoever you want them to be when they are on their own in a romantic situation when feelings are escalating... their friends and family will call them out!)  What if the relationship wasn't just to have fun but existed for a purpose and that purpose was to see if you challenged and encouraged each other in Christ? What if you prayerfully considered God's feelings toward your relationship?  What if you guarded your heart and theirs?  Most importantly, what if you gave your heart to God and began a relationship with Him so that you didn't feel lonely or empty and because you have Him you can more appropriately develop relationships (romantic and otherwise)?

You can enjoy getting to know people and spending time with people without being in a romantic relationship.  And if you choose to enter into a relationship that is prayerfully considering its current state and future while guarding each other's hearts then I feel it is possible to maintain a friendship in the event that it wasn't meant to be.  Also, I am not an expert on this topic and have made many suspect decisions and actions that hurt others as well as myself (and hopefully not but probably will make more).  I am also in need of God's grace and mercy.  I need to be more dependent on Him not a person.  I need to seek to grow and develop my relationship with Him so that I can become the person He created me to be.

Interesting literature on the topic of dating with a Christ-centered purpose (keep in mind there is no clear cut right or wrong way to engage in relationships but these are just certain perspectives on the topic I found interesting and Biblically supported):

I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship - Joshua Harris
Going All the Way: Preparing for a Marriage that Lasts - Craig Groeschel

(also some of the views and decisions described in these books were made by the author for an explained reason but that doesn't mean you have to agree or adhere to it too, for example Joshua Harris decided he would never kiss a girl again until he was married... that was his decision for his life and he explains why he made that decision... that doesn't mean if you don't agree you are wrong or ungodly in your decision making, it just means you have different views and convictions)