Anger and Frustration

i don't get it.  is there something im missing?!  someone please tell me, i want to know.  i feel like im taking crazy pills.  everyone can't keep saying, "it was nothing you did or didn't do."  obviously it was something i did or didn't do because you aren't giving me the job.  at least the last guy called me back.  most people don't have the balls.  already i know im better than you at your job because i have balls, a spine, and character and obviously are in need of all 3.  just by not calling me back you've shown me that im better than you.  why do you have a job?  i cant get a job with a master's degree, 2 certifications, and 8 years of work related experience.  the past 3 years ive been a full time strength coach who got payed part time, yet everywhere i go there's someone with a job that has no master's degree, no certifications, had no experience but they got a job.  so what is it?  you tell me i need experience but i already have it and they have none.  somebody please explain this to me because it makes no sense.  i get up at 4am, i never slept in, i never showed up late, my athletes liked me, any strength coach ive ever worked for liked me... what is it?  if its cause im a white male at least have the balls to tell me that.  if its because im not as good as the other candidate, i want to meet the other candidate, i want to watch the other candidate's athletes train, i want to seem their athletes do cleans, snatches, and squat in the hole.  i don't believe you.  i love my job but i hate my profession.  dinosaurs of the field fall backwards into jobs as the profession began and they are considered gurus.  some are great dont get me wrong, some cant coach and dont know/understand basic physiology.  but they are the pioneers of the field, they have been doing this for 30 years.  just because you have been doing something for a long time does not make you good at it, it is quite possible to do something wrong for a long time... it happens often in this profession.  and why are football strength coaches revered as the best of our field?  they have the easiest job!  football players are already big, strong, and fast.  trying training females, try training athlete who have never lifted before, trying training athletes who participate in a sport where lifting is not part of the culture, trying training a sport where the sport coach doesn't back you and doesn't put an emphasis on lifting... you wouldn't know the first thing.  but you're a football strength coach, you are the best of the best ha.  then you get a job where you have to assist with football and you're in charge of tennis, track, or volleyball and you don't know how to train them.. you call an olympic guy and ask.  they are athletes you incompetent neanderthal!  they are the same as football players, they run, jump, throw, kick, rotate, slow down, speed up, dive, etc... they push into the ground and use their whole body!  its not hard.  but you are the best of the best.  you are also lazy football strength coach.  you think you arent because you work long, unnecessary hours to justify how grossly overpaid you are but you are.  you want nothing more than to rid yourself of every olympic sport you might have to help with.  if they don't play football they arent even athletes.  if you are a female, well them im sorry you were born with such an unfortunate reproductive system.  haha i dont get it! athletes that play volleyball, soccer, swim, dive, golf, softball, etc, etc are people! they are people.  they deserve the same attention and respect.  and to be honest id rather work with them because they are appreciative, tougher, and more hard working than your football player.  yes that is correct, the team you want nothing to do with is the one i would prefer to train.  you dont know how to train them because it requires a plan, progression, knowledge of strength and conditioning, and a fully functional brain.  what they arent already super strong and aggressive, how do you teach them to be that way?  what they have never lifted before and they dont know how to do the exercises, i dont feel like showing them.  there sport doesnt make millions of dollars, no one cares.  not only do you not know how to train them, you don't want to train them... so give them to me.  i want to train them.  i delight in training them.  i love them.  my other favorite is the functional nba strength coach.  you are an athletic trainer that doesnt know how to make gatorade or operate a stim machine.  all you do is rehab exercises.  you know why the letters re are in rehabilitation because those exercises are to get you back to where you were before an injury or surgery... they are not strength training exercises!  no basketball court is made of bosu ball, physioball, or dyna-disc like material... they are all 94ft of flat hard wood... you are not cutting edge, you are an idoit.  the nsca is a joke, the cscca is an even bigger joke.  if i made a parody of what the cscca is it would fail in comparison to the hilarity of the real thing.  both good intention, both a far cry from what this profession needs to be respected.  its ok to set the standard high.  but some people might not pass.  yea thats the point.  except in this profession a lot of those people who wouldnt pass are considered gurus and giants of the field and that might embarrass them.  they might not feel smart and powerful and cocky and arrogant anymore. tell me that i need experience... its a good thing i have 8 years worth.  tell me education is important... you are lying to yourself and everyone else... how many strength coaches have an undergraduate degree that would allow them to apply to med school?  how many have taken 2 quantum chemistry classes, 2 organic chemistry classes, biochemistry, 2 physics, genetics, human anatomy, human physiology, 2 biology classes, 5 nutrition classes?  how many coaches don't have masters degrees?  there are always strength coaches without master's degrees... if i need education and i have it and they don't have it, how do they have a job and i dont?  am i high on some kind of drug?  please what am i missing?  call my references.  call any person i have EVER worked with or for.  ask anything you want.  how many people can say that.  call any person ive ever worked with or for and ask them anything you want and i guarantee they will tell you i did a good job, they will tell you i worked hard, they will tell you to hire me, they will genuinely, honestly endorse me.  what am i missing?  i can't get a job and its infuriating.  i cant prove that im better than anyone.  athletes are freaks.  it almost doesn't matter what you do, as long as they think they are getting better and you dont hurt them.  i can back my training philosophies up with science, can you?  go out and flip some more tires, look at the crossfit wod to get some ideas... maybe you should do more trx, i heard from an nba strength coach that trx is really good.  whatever you do, don't tell people to squat below 90 degrees of knee flexion, dont tell people to pick heavy objects off the ground, accelerate them violently and using speed, kinesthetic awareness, balance, stability, mobility, and athleticism catch them at the shoulder or overhead. dont do plyos or lift overhead or work on single leg strength.  dont keep things simple and consistent while at the same time challenging the athlete with load.  DO NOT DO THAT.  it will only make your athletes stronger, more powerful, more coordinated, and more athletic... but it will NOT get you a job.  so keep using your sledge hammer, board bench, quarter squats, chains, bands (the more the better i say), trx's, physioballs, bosu balls, dyna discs, and always remember to do as many forearms and floor abs as time will allow because nothing screams athleticism like lying on your back, contorting your neck, while trying to fold yourself in half.  i used to have passion and enthusiasm, now all i have is anger and frustration... in heavy doses.

(sorry the quality is poor but this is how i feel inside)

i know this blog is cynical, sarcastic, and negative but i few minutes ago i was thinking about just typing a string profanities in all caps.  i know thats a bad attitude but its the one i have right now and this is cleansing to me.  i am getting it all out so i can move on.  i hope and pray that God will change me so in the future a comparable event will not shake me but for right now that is not the case.  i may not be right in behaving this way, i may not be godly, but i am at least being honest and real.  im upset. i poured my heart and soul into something for the past 8 years and no one will let me do it.  i cant describe my frustration in words.

Rachel Rae Barnette

I think it was Spring of 2009 the last time I worked with Rachel.  She was a member of NC State's women's soccer team and she was transferring to Cincinnati.  She asked if she could still train in the weight room and if I would be willing to help her.  I remember she was tough and that she worked really hard.  She didn't shy away from anything.  We kept in touch sparingly after she left because we shared the same passion for strength and conditioning.  Recently she had been posting Bible verses and things about God on her facebook account, which I found encouraging.  Last week I received a mass email from Rachel notifying everyone that she would be joining a mission trip called the World Race.  She has a blog and when I read it I knew that she was changed.  It was so exciting to read and hear how on fire for God she is and how much she is ready to go out and love on people.  I am attaching her blog and her World Race page below.  I hope you will consider donating some money to her, even if it is $5.  I have raised money like that before and every little bit really does matter.  No amount is too small.  But if you don't feel called to give, I hope at the very least you will pray for her and her teammates and they go out to spread and glorify the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ in 11 different countries.

Rachel's Blog
http://rachelrae.me/

Rachel's Word Race Site
http://rachelbarnette.theworldrace.org/

What I Was Trying to Say

     I can't remember the last time I cried before I said goodbye to you, it has been years.  I honestly didn't anticipate getting so choked up.  It made it hard to remember everything I wanted to say, I guess I needed notecards or a powerpoint presentation because I'm not very good off the cuff.  I didn't even really get a chance to say goodbye to women's tennis.  So to all my athletes at Auburn here is what I meant to tell to you when I was leaving:

     I have thoroughly enjoyed working with you all over the past few years.  You have been a joy to coach and I have enjoyed getting to know you and see you develop as a person.  Before I leave I want to make sure you realize a few things.

     First, you have an amazing opportunity comprised of several opportunities.  You have the opportunity to play a sport in college, how awesome is that?  Think about how excited the 12 year old version of yourself would have been to find out they were going to compete in the SEC for Auburn in their sport.  Take a step back and try to reflect on how awesome the opportunity you have is.  Try to bring that child-like enthusiasm with you everyday.  Don't ever let this opportunity become mundane or ordinary because it is anything but that.  Take advantage of every chance you have to become a better athlete whether its meeting with the nutritionist, athletic trainer, working with the strength coaches, or in practice.  Work hard and never become complacent.  There is always something else you can do to become better.
      Also, you have the opportunity to obtain a college degree in an area of your choosing.  You can find something that you are interested in, something you are passionate about... something you enjoy doing.  Work hard in the classroom.  Pay attention in class, don't text or get on facebook, you can do that later.  If you are in class listen, read, and write... if you do that, you will spend less of the time you have outside of class studying because you heard the material the first time.  If you are in an easy class, don't skip... attend and try to learn.  If it still isn't worth your time, and I know sometimes it isn't (I've been there), use it as a study hall to do work for a more difficult class.  Challenge yourself in the classroom the same way you would in practice or the weight room.  Education is an important opportunity, find something you love and learn as much as you can about it.
     Maybe the most important opportunity of all is the opportunity you have to be part of a team.  Look around at your team, people from all over the country... all over the world, people from all walks of life who have put aside their differences to achieve a common goal.  It is a family.  The relationships you build with your team will last a lifetime.  Your teammates will help you and challenge you as an athlete and as a person.  Learn from them, encourage them, help them, and love them.  Because they are more family than friends, remember that there will be times when you don't get along and thats ok as long as their is an underlying root of mutual respect and love.  Don't be caddy, petty, or mean, and don't hold grudges.  Listen and learn; forgive and forget.  Think about where you would be in your sport if you trained alone without your teammates to push you.  The team is ultimately yours, not your coach's, not your trainer's, not your strength coach's... yours.  It is going to go where you take it, so accept responsibility, believe in each other, and battle with each other.  Build relationships and make memories that you will cherish forever.
     Keep in mind opportunities are not guarantees.  You can't just show up and expect to get better and build relationships, it takes hard, intentional work and a good attitude.  Take full advantage of every opportunity you are given.

     Second, I believe that sports exist and are popular for 2 reasons... one of those reasons is they develop character.  I don't care where it happens, it could be in practice, in competition, in the weight room, on the team bus but I hope that you learn something through sports that makes you a better person.  I hope this has already happened but if it hasn't I pray that it happens soon.  I hope that through your participation in sports you develop or improve on a quality (such as respect, focus, discipline, leadership, work ethic, teamwork, consistency, responsibility, relentlessness, selflessness, etc) that makes you a better employee/employer, husband/wife, mom/dad, overall person.  I hope you have learned or will learn something that you can apply to life, something that you will take with you and share with others, something that makes you a better person.  I think sports are a great way to learn about yourself, learn from others, and become a better person.  The second reason I believe that sports exist is because they are fun.  Why did you start playing in the first place, to get a college scholarship?  I doubt it.  I bet you wanted to participate in whatever sport you play now because it was fun and you liked it.  I hope you still do.  I hope you always do.  I know its probably not possible to love it everyday but overall you should be having fun.  I think you can have fun working hard, pushing yourself, and being challenged by your coaches and teammates.  Its ok to laugh and smile while giving it your all.  If it isn't fun, why are you doing it?  Why are you wasting so much time and energy if there is no joy or satisfaction?  You could be doing other things, focusing on school, spending time with friends, doing internships, working, or partying.  If at the end of the day you aren't having fun then don't waste your coach's time, your teammate's time, or your own time.  Do things with passion and enthusiasm or don't do them at all.  Now, how do you keep it fun?  How do you keep it from becoming a job or a chore?  Try to keep in mind that it is supposed to be fun.  Remind your teammates and yourself.  Encourage your teammates and celebrate with them when they/you achieve individual or team goals.  Work hard to keep a proper perspective, its just a game.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should be lazy or not try very hard but what I am saying is keep in mind that there are more important things in life (God, family, friends, etc).  Try to find balance in your life (this balance will be different for each individual).  Make time for some type of hobby outside of school and athletics where your mind and body can go and rest.  Go to church, read your Bible, pray, go for walks, volunteer, paint, play music, journal, join an economics club, or some other extracurricular activity.  Take the emphasis off of your life, your struggles and focus on someone else.  Make friends with athletes on other teams who understand your life style but won't be talking about the sport you compete in all the time.  Make friends with people that don't play sports at all.  Have conversations about things outside of school and athletics.  Become a well rounded person.  I know that your time is scarce but try to do the best you can to manage it so that you can occasionally have time to rest.  I bet you'll find having a mental outlet away from school and athletics helps you become more refreshed during practices instead of feeling burnt out.

     Finally, remember that athletics are a part of your life, they are not your life.  Don't create a life that revolves around sports.  Don't let sports and your success in them become your identity.  Your sport is something you do, not who you are.  You are not a swimmer, a diver, a tennis player, or a volleyball player... you are a person who swims, dives, plays tennis or volleyball.  Your self-worth is not in a win or loss, a time, or a score.  And while you should strive to become the best athlete you possibly can, keep in mind that its just a part of who you are and it is supposed to be fun!  One day your athletic career will be over and you should miss competing, practices, and being around teammates but you should be able to cope.  It shouldn't be the end of the world, it should be an exciting time in your life to pursue other interests.  I pray that you would find your identity in Christ because that relationship can never be taken from you (Romans 8:38-39).

     I ramble a lot so if you made it this far I want to end by saying something to you that you said so many times to me and that is... thank you!  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a part of your lives.  Thank you for being appreciative.  Thank you for making my job fun.  Thank you for making me laugh and brightening my days.  Thank you for helping me to grow and improve as a coach and as a person.  Thank you for being the reason that I love my job.  As you may know I love squats, snatches, cleans, pullups, and yes even inchworms but I love you more.  I hope you already knew that without me telling you, but in case you didn't, I love you.  I will miss you more than you'll probably ever know or understand.  We are family.  You are all my younger brothers and sisters.  That's why I made fun of you, thats why I picked on you, and that's why I got so sad leaving you.  But I think thats a good thing, it would have been bad to be able to leave without feeling anything.  It would have meant the time we spent together wasn't important and we didn't develop a meaningful relationship, but that clearly wasn't the case, at least not on my end.

     In closing, I'm very proud of you, I love you, and I'll miss you.  Good luck this season.  I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your time at Auburn both on and off the court, in and out of the pool.  I will be cheering you on from afar.  I hope that you have the best, most amazing experience as a college athlete.  I hope you learn and grow as an athlete but more importantly as a person.  Don't be afraid of failure, its a merely an indicator of where you are at that time.  Remember there are no bad practices, there are just some practices where you realize you haven't reached your full potential yet.  No matter what the score or situation is, don't ever give up, keep battling with your team until the end.  I hope you leave this campus as a stronger athlete and stronger person than when you arrived.  Please keep in touch and let me know where you end up and what you are doing when your time at Auburn is done.  If there is anything I can ever do for you or you ever need someone to talk to, someone to listen, somebody to remind you that its just a game and there's a bigger picture, or just want to keep in touch and let me know how you are doing... don't hesitate to email me, text me, or call me.  God has a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11) and I can't wait to see where you end up going and what you end up doing.

Your #1 fan,

Alex

cell: (252) 717-9608
email: alexlee42@gmail.com
skype: alex_lee42

Opportunity

This morning I woke up at my parents house in Greenville, North Carolina.  Usually that would make me really excited because it would mean I'm on vacation, but today is different.  Laying in my bed I looked out my window at the early morning sky.  It was a foggy bluish gray.  If I could describe how I feel right now with a color or a picture that would be it.  Blah.  I am a roller coaster of emotions.  My life has never been more uncertain.  And all the highs and lows inside of me are mixed together and even out to this foggy, gray color.

As a child you go to kindergarten, go home and play; then you go to elementary school, go to soccer practice, piano practice; then it's middle school followed by high school with more practices, plays, etc.  Next you go to college, vocational school, or get a job.  Then you go to more school or get a job.  What happens when you are done with one stage of life but you can't get to the next one?  When you are stuck in purgatory... what do you do then?  That's where I am but I don't know what to do.    

Laying there staring at the sky, it might as well been a painting of my emotions, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes.  "Why do so many people dread adversity when it is only through adversity that we grow stronger." - John Wooden  I am experiencing some adversity now.  Like heavy weights and most problems in life, adversity must be attacked.  Crying won't help me, even though I wanted to from time to time on the drive back yesterday.  Anger and frustration won't produce anything positive, even though there were also points when I wanted to scream the f word at the top of my lungs in the car yesterday.  No one would've heard it, and it wouldn't make me feel better.  I thought about something Coach D said months ago.  He was trying to follow a vigorous weight lifting regimen with Mike and David and due to his slight age difference he got a little banged up.  He couldn't squat so he said his injury was an opportunity to become an RDL specialist.  That's what I have right now... an opportunity.   An opportunity to strengthen my trust and faith in Christ.  An opportunity to seek God's will for my life and discover ways I can honor and further His Kingdom.  An opportunity to become a better, stronger witness of His love.

Before I left Auburn I told all my athletes that they had an amazing opportunity... to participate in collegiate athletics.  To grow as an athlete and as a person.  To put aside their differences and work with their teammates towards a common goal.  To make life long friends.  I wanted them to realize what they have so they would make the most of it and cherish it.  I too have an opportunity.  Mine just isn't quite as appealing as theirs but it is still an opportunity to get better and those must not be squandered.  On a heavy set of 10 for back squat the bar is going to move real slow on the last few reps, you can rack it or keep grinding them out.  I'm going to keep grinding even though its uncomfortable, quitting would be the easy thing to do and rarely in life is the easy thing the right thing to do.

Now I'm going to lift weights in my garage to try to restore some normalcy to my life.