It's weird how I always want something more out of life, only to get to a new stage and lose one aspect in hopes of gaining another. When I was at NC State I was taking hard college classes (for me at least), working long, odd hours in the weight room and spending any spare time I had from work, class, and homework at church, bible study, or with my friends. I thought if I could just work and not go to school I would enjoy life so much more. I'd have more time to spend with my friends and going to church related activities. Then in graduate school at Auburn, I loved working in the weight room with the college athletes but I again couldn't wait to be done with school, however, now I had no church and very few friends. Then finally I graduated from all school... done! (as far as I know, God willing) Finally I just have work! But again no church and no friends. Waking up at 4:30am Monday - Friday and getting home every night at 6-6:30. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep until my body woke me up. Now I am here. In whatever stage you want to call this. I sleep in everyday until my body wakes me up. No more nights of 5-6 hours getting up long before the sun and guess what, I hate it. I hate having nothing to do. No job, living at home... I feel like a loser. But I have to enjoy this time. There are benefits. I am getting rest. I have much more time to spend with God, who I wandered so far away from the past 3 years. I found a church and a bible study that I really enjoy. I am close to my family (arguably too close) and friends. I am part of a weightlifting lifting team, which I love and is so much fun. God is showing me a lot. He is teaching me about Himself and about prayer. I have time to write people letters and send people emails with Bible verses. Do I want to get a job... absolutely. Do I miss my athletes in Auburn... more than they'll ever know. I think about them everyday. When I lived in Auburn I was mad because I didn't have a church or church family, but I did have a family in that weight room. I should have been more thankful for that. I should have cherished that more. This blog is very cliche, I know. But like my uncle jokingly says, "It's not the destination, its the journey." He is right. I saw a facebook status from a former athlete of mine that sums up exactly what I am learning.
"Learn to enjoy where you're at on your way to where you're going."
That grabbed my attention. God brought me here for a reason. He wants to teach me things, show me things, strengthen our relationship for whatever is next. God took me to Auburn for a reason. Or maybe He didn't, maybe I just went, but either way He didn't give up on me and He is still trying to lead me to where He wants me. I am here. This is where I am, like it or not. I've been angry and frustrated enough and it has gotten me nowhere. It still happens sometimes. The thoughts and feelings creep back in. But all those thoughts and feelings profit nothing... I am here. So while I am here, I should learn to enjoy here... I should learn to take advantage and be thankful for whatever here has. Because there will be a day, hopefully sooner than I think, that I will not be here. And there might be something here I miss or wish I still had.
"I will learn to love the skies I'm under"
- Hopeless Wanderer
Mumford & Sons
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