Can I have a hug hello?

Most days I wake up around 4:15-4:30am.  I do battle with the covers and the darkness.  The sun laughs at me as it is still tucked in.  It rolls over, knowing it has a few more hours until it has to rise.  I get up eat, pack my lunch, brush my teeth and sometimes my beard, try to read my Bible or pray or listen to some praise music.  I ride my bike or walk up N. Donahue and get into work around 5:45-6:15am depending on when I have my first team.  I get home anywhere from 6-7pm.  The days are long but I enjoy it.  I chose this.  Even still the days wear on me.  Trying to persuade and convince people to do something they should want to do anyway can be exhausting.  Receiving complaints but giving motivation.  I make $12,000 a year with a master's degree in my field, 2 certifications, 8 years of work related experience while people with bachelor's degrees in areas not relating to science or the human body tell me that I'm an idiot, I don't understand their sport, and I should do whatever they think is best even though they don't have a logical, rational, or scientific reason for it.  I'm constantly arguing, debating, fighting for what I think is right... because I care.  It would be easier to just do what the coach wants... what sometimes is wrong... but I know better and I want the best for the athletes.  I sacrifice more than mental energy for this job.  I can't watch tv shows that start at 9pm because I can't stay up past 9-10pm any night of the week.  I can't sleep in later than 7-8am any weekend morning.  I don't have time or energy to go out and meet or make friends.  I have to leave the taco truck and 9pm or else I'll be worthless in the morning.  Right now its a little after 9:30pm.  The monster I live with feel asleep about an hour ago while we were watching tv.  I can hear people in the pool of my apartment complex talking and laughing.  What are they doing up so late?  Are they crazy.  My overhead light is off, my bed beckons me, my eyelids are heavy but I am compelled to write this.  Maybe its for you... maybe its just a reminder for me... either way I keep typing.

All things considered, I still enjoy my job.  I help 17-22 year old college students get better at playing a game but hopefully somewhere along the way I hope they learn something about themselves and develop character traits that make them better people.  I hope they learn something through being an athlete... through training, that they will keep with them for the rest of their lives... something they will share with their families.  I don't care if they learn it in the weight room, during practice, from a coach or teammate... I just want them to learn it, keep it, and share it.  I want them to be better off now that they have it.  I want them to create an adaptation to life that won't detrain or atrophy.  I want them to see Christ in me.  I want them to know that I love them and care about them and I'm able to do so because God loved me first and taught me... showed me what love is.  It's never been about the money to me or the clout or being associated with a good school... good program.  It was about my high school football coach, Coach Rowe, the things I learned from him about life that I want to show others, and a passion for weightlifting, training, sweating, bleeding, and teaching...  no helping people. 

Even still I lose sight of the big picture.  I miss having a church and a church family, they helped me keep sight of this.  I forget why I am where I am and why I'm doing what I'm doing.  I get frustrated.  I get angry.  Sometimes I take it out on the very athletes I'm trying to help.  I'm not proud of that.  Then every so often I'm reminded of why I do what I do and why I love it so much.  Sarah Wroblicky on the volleyball team came back today from her summer break.  She left the sunny beaches of California and traveled back to hot, humid Auburn.  Her first day back... 6:30am lift.  A lot of squats, snatches, and pull ups.  She came running in the weight room with the biggest smile on her face when she greeted her teammates who she has been separated from for the last 7-8 weeks.  She didn't even have shoes on.  She had left all her athletic shoes and was standing in the weight room barefoot.  

A quick aside, most strength coaches are disciplinarians, rule makers, and rule enforcers.    They make everybody wear the same uniform, keep their shirts tucked in, don't do this, don't forget that, you better have this, and you better wear that, etc.  Most strength coaches would've been furious.  I'm concerned with one thing... you're heart.  Is your heart in this?  Is it focused on this task at hand?  Are you encouraging and challenging your teammates?  Your attitude reflects the condition of your heart.  At 6:30am central time in a dark, dingy weight room far away from any sun or salt water, Wro was excited... enthusiastic and it showed.  A right heart and attitude can cover a lot more than bare feet.

She saw me through the window of the office and came running towards me, "I'm glad your still here!"  When she left to go home in early May I told her there would be a chance I might get a job somewhere else and be gone when she got back.  I began asking her about her summer and what she had been doing.  She deflected my questions with short answers and quickly got straight to the point, or at least what seemed to be the most pressing issue to her... "Can I have a hug hello?"