Fog

"Old times never come back and I suppose it's just as well.  What comes back is a new morning every day in the year, and that's better."
- George E. Woodberry

Life is one directional, always moving forward.  Sometimes when I'm comfortable or about to be uncomfortable I want to hit pause.  I don't take much to change.  Usually when change comes I at least know the next step, I know what is coming.  High school to college, college to grad school, grad school to internship, internship to....  I don't know.  Unemployment? My parent's house?  Waiting tables?  Community college?  This time I dislike change even more because its accompanied with the unknown.  I've admittedly lost sleep due to worry and gotten frustrated about it.  Thrown a temper tantrum if you will, I guess because I'm not in control of my situation and I don't like where I'm headed.  However my worry, my frustration, my temper tantrum may give me a temporary activity but when its over I'm no closer to answers than when I started.  I have to keep my composure and trust God.  I have to be thankful for all that He has given me.  I have to trust that He will be a lamp unto my feet because I can't see very far.

I see parallels between weightlifting, my life, and God.  I throw more temper tantrums due to lifting than anything else in life by far.  If you saw me on certain days you'd probably wonder why I voluntarily participate in this sport.  I will miss lifts and throw things, kick things, sometimes yell.  None of those things help me get the bar over my head.

I don't really know what this blog is about.  Maybe I thought if I put these rambling thoughts on this screen they would vacate my head forever and I'll finally be able to get some sleep tonight.  I feel like I'm in a thick fog and I can't see very far.  Even though I'm not enjoying this moment I trust that God is using it to make me a better person for His glory.